A 2024 letter to myself. The year I define as a rebirth. The evolution of one version of myself to another. This year broke me and put me back together again a few times. In this year I grieved the loss of a job while having the joy of a pregnancy. I grieved the loss of my old self while gaining a new and unknown identity as a mother.
The greatest joy of this year for me was entering the magic of motherhood. The wonder of wanting to know what the little person you made will be like. I fully understand now the wholeness of a mothers love. Becoming a mother broke me down in ways I would’ve never comprehended not being one before. The shedding of a version of yourself you knew your whole adult life slowly evolving each day as your belly grows, skin stretches, and body aches. The moments of hardly recognizing yourself in a body that feels a bit more foreign than before.
This year taught me about embracing the ambiguity of not knowing what would be next for me. Of not having a plan and having everything figured out to a tee. I learned to simply just let go of the idea of always having control because even when you plan the perfect schedule for a newborn with feeding, diaper changes, and naps… your plan more times than not will get completely thrown off and that’s okay. I’m now finding a sweet joy in the chaos of it all. What a blessing it is to have a home full and bustling.
This year reminded me of how amazing it is to be a multifaceted being. I don’t have to be confined to one version of myself based on a job. I can have a multitude of interests. Having a job is just showing up and to an extent going through the motions. I learned that I need to feel more connected to the work I do. I want to have a career that is informed by my values and passions in my life. I strive for flexibility and authenticity. Taking a step back from my career this year was the reinvigoration I needed to connect back to myself.
This year wrapped me in the warmth of tears. There were so many that I cried. I cried of joy, excitement, pure wonder, sadness, frustration, confusion and anger. I felt deeply, maybe the most I have felt in my life. I learned that my vulnerability and emotion don’t make me weak. Digging deeper into my emotional psyche gave me permission to have empathy and compassion for myself. When I’m deeply attune to myself and my own needs I can better allow others to support me and give them the permission to.
This year reminded me of the Godly wonder of being a woman. Fearfully and wonderfully crafted. Incredible strength and resilience. With so little… Women can create a whole world. There is nothing I can’t conquer. I lost myself this year, and I am so grateful that I did. I write this as a reminder to myself to remember every evolution is a gift. I hope you embrace yours too. <3
Such beautiful expression. I couldn’t agree more. Life is beautiful and living is about finding the beauty around us as well as within us. It’s absolutely there. ❤️